


Coping Strategies

by pikasafire



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-28
Updated: 2013-10-28
Packaged: 2017-12-30 17:30:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1021431
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pikasafire/pseuds/pikasafire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spencer just wants a little advice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Coping Strategies

**Author's Note:**

> **WARNINGS** for references to addiction, drug use and recovery. Written for no_tags over at Dreamwidth for 2013. Original story post can be [found here](http://no-tags.dreamwidth.org/22964.html).

"I gave Pete your number," Mikey says, pushing a coffee across the kitchen table in front of Gerard.

Gerard doesn't look up from where he's sketching, "Okay." A pause. "Doesn't Pete already have my number?"

"Yeah." Mikey says, like its obvious, "I gave it to him to give to Brendon, to give to Spencer."

Gerard puts his pencil down and picks up his mug, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Do you listen to anything I say?" Mikey demands, "I told you the other day." Gerard gives him his best blank look until Mikey sighs, "Spencer?"

"...Is a person." Gerard agrees, taking a fortifying gulp of his coffee.

"Brendon asked Pete to ask me to ask you if it was okay if Spencer gave you a call."

"Okay?" Gerard says, clearly still bewildered.

Mikey rolls his eyes, "Spencer? Rehab? Not going on tour? Ringing any bells?"

Gerard is silent for a moment, head tilted a little to the side. "Did you tell me this?" He asks, looking a little guilty. "I don't remember."

"Where's your phone?"

Gerard fishes in his pockets with the hand that isn't clutching his coffee like a lifeline. "I'm pretty sure it's- ha!" He pulls it out triumphantly, tossing it across the table to Mikey.

"Dude, you have, like, fifteen missed calls and twelve messages."

"Do I?" Gerard frowns, "Lindsey?"

"Three. She sent you a text too. A few from mom, and a bunch from Frank." He scrolls through until he finds what he's looking for. "Here." He pushes the phone across the table. A text message open on the screen. _=Hi. it's Spencer. Hope it's ok that im messaging u=_

Gerard looks at it. "Huh." He frowns. "Why me?"

"Did you miss the rehab part?"

Gerard puts his now empty mug down and picks up his pencil again, "I'm not really the best example," he says uncomfortably, focusing back on his drawing. "I mean, it's going to be different for him than it was for me. I never really did the official rehab thing."

"He doesn't want you to cure him, Gee. Just someone to talk to." Mikey grabs Gerard's mug, waving it at him teasingly, "Just text him and you can have more coffee."

For a second, Gerard just stares at him, like he's horrified that Mikey would use coffee as a bargaining chip. "Why?"

"Because then Brendon will stop harassing Pete who will stop harassing me." It's flippant. "And then I can sleep at night without a million texts being sent." Mikey doesn't wait for an answer, heading to the coffee machine. "Do it, Gee."

Gerard grabs his phone, taps out a quick reply. _=Sure its ok. How r u doing?=_ He debates for a moment before adding a smiley and pressing send. He turns back to his drawing, adding a layer of spikes, doesn't look up when Mikey puts a fresh cup of coffee in front of him. "I would have said it was okay for Spencer to call me, even without the coffee." He feels compelled to point out. "I'm not that much of a dick."

"I know." Mikey says. "What the hell are you drawing? Is that supposed to be Spyke from Evolution? Because that's not what his hair looks like."

As they bicker quietly over coffee. Gerard can't help but wonder what it would've been like if he hadn't gotten clean. Gerard's notoriously bad with his phone and he feels a little guilty when he checks it after Mikey leaves and there's a message from Spencer, sent three hours ago = _thanks_ = it says, _=not doing so great=_.

 _=It gets better=_ Gerard types. He cringes as it sends _=that's not supposed to sound as lame as it does=_ He feels awkward like this, like he's doing it wrong. It's strangely easier to be an icon of hope for thousands rather than just one. _=I don't know how useful I'll be but I'll try=_.

_=thanks=_

Gerard's half expecting something else, but his phone remains silent.

*

_=Are you free?=_

His phone dings, late at night a few days later, and Gerard jumps a little at the noise, confused for a few seconds until he sees the lit screen. Unlocking it, he frowns, tapping out a quick reply. _=of course=_. He chews his fingernail distractedly as he stares at the dots on his screen that tell him that Spencer's typing. He's reminded of that blur of the months after his decision, of the craving and _want_ that took over his every waking moment. He got the background from Mikey, read Spencer's online letter to his fans. Gerard knows it's been a few months since he stopped using.

 _=distracting myself. brendons sleeping thought youd be up=_ Before Gerard can reply, another message appears, _=i didnt wake you up?=_

 _=im always awake. too much coffee=_ Gerard pauses. He doesn't really remember much about getting clean other than how much it sucked, not sure if Spencer's experience is anything like his own. _=want me to tell you about my new comic?=_ He doesn't wait for an answer, _=There's this girl, right?...=_

*

They text almost daily these days. Gerard's not sure if he should be weirded out that he can't really remember what Spencer sounds like. They text about silly things mostly, pictures of Bandit or of what he's working on. Spencer sends pictures of puppies and his new collection of Lego _=keeps my hands busy=_ he sends, attached to the picture of his new Star Wars set.

It's... nice.

So when Gerard's phone rings, Spencer's name flashing up on the screen, Gerard frowns, "Spencer, you okay?"

"Just-" he sounds agitated, "Distractions aren't working tonight."

His voice is higher than Gerard remembers, but that could be the panic lacing his voice. "Hey, it's alright." Gerard says, tries to keep his voice soothing.

"I know that." Spencer snaps. Gerard can hear him take a breath, "Sorry." He says after a moment. "I'm just-" A pause as he searches for the word, "Frustrated."

"Do you want to talk about it?" Gerard's floundering a little. He's not qualified for this, he remembers talking to Brian though when it got bad, late nights, clutching his phone like a lifeline. He can do this for Spencer.

"Yeah." Spencer says and there's a catch in his voice. "I do."

*

Gerard's gotten better at answering his phone since Spencer started calling, and he thumbs the answer button as Spencer's name pops up. He starts every conversation the same way. "Hey. How are you?"

There's a telling pause before Spencer speaks. "Yeah, good." He lies, "I'm fine."

Gerard's not enough of a dick to call him out on it. "What have you been up to?" He can practically hear the shrug on the other end of the line.

"Nothing." Spencer sighs, "I'm pretty sure I now own every set Lego has ever made."

Gerard laughs, "Going stir crazy?"

"A bit."

"Look," Gerard says, "Come over. You're in LA at the moment, aren't you?"

There's a pause on the other end of the line. "Uh. Sure?"

Gerard swallows a frustrated sigh, "I don't bite. Promise."

Spencer's laugh is a little more genuine this time. "Okay," He says, sounding more relaxed. "Text me your address."

*

Spencer arrives about an hour later, looking thin, drawn and pale but there's a smile on his face. It suddenly occurs to Gerard that this is the first time he's really met Spencer. Like, _really_ met. It's strange, considering how much they've been talking recently. "Uh, come in." Gerard says, feeling a little awkward. "Lindsey and Bandit have gone to some art thing, so it's just us."

Spencer just follows Gerard in silently, trailing him to the kitchen.

"Coffee?" Gerard offers, swallowing the last few mouthfuls of a mug on the table and shuffling over to the machine "Mikey jokes that I just swapped one addiction for another." He laughs a little, then stops, "I mean- shit." He turns guiltily, "Sorry. It's been a while. I don't mean to be insensitive."

Spencer grins over at him, "Brendon'd probably agree I'm doing the same." He shrugs, smile fading, looking self conscious. "It's something to do."

"Yeah." Gerard's not entirely sure what to say to that, busies himself with the coffee machine. "I'll make a big pot."

"You don't need to sleep then?" It's supposed to be a joke, but it falls flat between them.

Gerard ignores the awkwardness, "I don't sleep, you know that."

"Me neither." It's honest and a little raw.

There's a beat where Gerard scrambles for the right thing to say. "That's normal." He says, turns to flash a smile over at Spencer, "Sleep's for the weak anyway." He pushes a ridiculously large mug into Spencer's hand. "Movie?" He gestures towards the living room, "I just bought a new Lego set."

It's pretty transparent, but Spencer just smiles. "Thanks."

It's not as awkward as Gerard was expecting, picking up from their phone calls, plenty to talk about. They make their way through two of the Die Hard films, mindless distracting violence, and keep their hands busy by building their own Lego cities.

"Awesome" Gerard says as the credits roll, "Next one?" He reaches over, twisting to reach the remote--

\-- and Spencer kisses him.

Gerard freezes, not sure what the hell he's supposed to do, not sure what Spencer needs, not sure what he _wants_ and Spencer takes his non-refusal as acceptance, kissing him again, a little more insistently. Gerard lets his hand drop hesitantly to Spencer's thigh "Spence-" Gerard tries, sounding weaker than he means to, doesn't stop Spencer when he leans in and kisses him again.

He's not sure how long they stay like that before Spencer pulls away.

"Sorry." Spencer murmurs. He doesn't sound very apologetic, and Gerard opens his eyes. Spencer hasn't moved, his face still only inches away, eyes terrifyingly blue up close. He smells good, and Gerard takes a breath.

"Yeah," he says. "Me too."

Spencer sits back, rubs his hands on his thigh. "It's just... Lonely. Y'know?" He's blushing a little, "I know it's- not like that. I mean, Lindsey. Just-"

Gerard understands perfectly. Can remember the sensation of wanting to crawl out of his own skin, of feeling so desperately _alone_. Gerard's pretty sure he kissed everyone who stood still long enough in the first months of his recovery - anything to distract him and forge that connection that he seemed to have forgotten how to make whilst sober. "Hey." He says, nudging Spencer's arm. "I know. I get it."

"Thank you." It's painfully sincere; honest and raw. "Not just for-" he waves a hand. "For all of it."

Gerard smiles at him, reaches out to squeeze Spencer's shoulder. "Anytime." He levers himself out of the chair, "C'mon, next Die Hard, yeah?"

*

When Mikey turns up a few hours later, Spencer and Gerard are still sprawled out not he couch. "I've been trying to call you, you jerk." He says, flopping next to Gerard and shoving him lightly.

Gerard shoves him back half heartedly. "I don't know where my phone is." He points out.

"You always answer my calls." Spencer says.

"Oh, I see." Mikey complains to Gerard. "You like him more than me." But he leans against him a little, grinning. "Oh, Spence, call Brendon, he's apparently flipping out that you're not answering your phone."

"Oh," Spencer says, looking guilty. "I'll, uh, do that now." He searches around, "My phone's in the kitchen, right?"

Gerard shrugs, "probably?"

Mikey waits until Spencer leaves before nudging Gerard, "He okay?"

"Yeah. He'll be fine." Gerard says, can't help but feel a little proud of Spencer for that.

"You?"

"I'm fine too." Gerard grins, leans a little more into Mikey. "Thanks for giving him my number." He says, more seriously. "It was a good idea."

Mikey shrugs, reaches over Gerard for the remote. "All my ideas are good ideas." He says, "And my new idea is to watch something better than this."

Gerard lets him take it.


End file.
